Q. The holidays at the end of the year are wonderful opportunities for family gatherings, yet they tend to be about getting and consuming, rather than giving and being grateful to God. Please share some ideas about what my wife and I can do to help our teenage daughters take advantage of the holiday season, strengthen our family bonds, create lasting memories, and draw closer to God in the process.
A: We totally get it—the holidays have become such a commercial whirlwind that it’s easy to lose sight of what really matters. But here’s the good news: this tension between what culture pushes and what our faith calls us to creates a perfect opportunity to build something beautiful with your family.
What the Bible Shows Us About Celebration
Scripture gives us a completely different picture of how to celebrate. Paul tells us: “In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thess. 5:18). Notice he says: “In everything.” That includes our holiday traditions, too.
Jesus Himself said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35), which is pretty much the opposite of what holiday shopping ads are telling us! And look at the early church—they were all about sharing what they had and taking care of each other’s needs (Acts 2:44, 45). While we might not share everything in common as they did, that heart of putting others first can absolutely shape how we do holidays.
The Old Testament is full of God’s telling His people to create festivals and traditions to remember His faithfulness. As it says in Esther 9:28, these celebrations were meant to be “remembered and kept throughout every generation, every family.” Your holiday traditions serve a similar purpose—they’re opportunities to tell your daughters about God’s goodness year after year.
And don’t forget about hospitality. Hebrews 13:2 reminds us not to “forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels.” When your family’s holiday traditions include serving others or welcoming those who are lonely, you’re living out this biblical call while showing your daughters the real joy that comes from giving.
What Research Tells Us
Here’s something encouraging: science backs up what the Bible teaches about gratitude and giving. Research shows that people who regularly practice gratitude are about 25 percent happier than those who focus on complaints or just go through the motions. They sleep better, have stronger immune systems, and enjoy better relationships.
When kids participate in giving-focused activities, they develop empathy and emotional intelligence. There’s even something called “helper’s high.” The good feeling you get from serving others triggers endorphins in your brain, creating natural motivation to keep being generous.
And here’s the memory piece that’s so important for your family: emotionally significant experiences create much stronger, longer-lasting memories than routine stuff. So when your daughters help prepare meals for a homeless shelter or write gratitude letters to grandparents, those moments become powerful anchors in their minds that they’ll carry into adulthood.
The Countercultural Power of Your Family
When your family chooses giving over getting, you’re creating what sociologists call “cultural capital.” You’re passing on values, knowledge, and perspectives that will give your daughters real advantages throughout their lives. You’re raising them to think differently from the culture around them.
Kids learn by watching what their parents do consistently. When you model generosity, gratitude, and service year after year during the holidays, your daughters internalize these as normal and desirable behaviors. The repetitive nature of annual traditions makes this learning stick—it becomes part of who you are.
When your family chooses giving over getting, you’re creating what sociologists call ‘cultural capital.’
Plus, when your family volunteers together or organizes neighborhood service projects, you’re building social capital—strengthening your community connections while teaching your girls about social responsibility and how we’re all connected to each other, emulating the spirit of Jesus.
Practical Ideas That Actually Work
So how do you make this happen? Start with annual service projects that become anticipated family traditions. Maybe you adopt a local family for Christmas gifts, organize a neighborhood food drive, or spend holiday mornings serving at a homeless shelter before your own celebrations.
For gratitude practices, try a family gratitude journal in which everyone records daily blessings leading up to major holidays. Some families create gratitude trees, adding leaves with written blessings throughout November and December. Others share specific gratitude stories during holiday meals—these become powerful times of testimony about God’s goodness.
Rethink gift-giving, too. Consider the “Four Gift Christmas” approach—something wanted, something needed, something worn, and something read. This reduces the pressure while keeping the joy. Handmade gifts, experiences instead of stuff, or charitable donations made in someone’s name all shift the focus from getting to meaningful expression.
Don’t forget to weave prayer and worship naturally into your celebrations. Create special family worships, go caroling in your neighborhood, or set up a family altar with seasonal decorations that tell the story of God’s faithfulness throughout the year.
The Beautiful Result
When you intentionally design your holiday traditions around giving rather than getting, gratitude rather than consumption, and service rather than self-focus, you’re creating a legacy that goes way beyond seasonal celebrations. These traditions become vehicles for transmitting faith, building character, strengthening relationships, and contributing positively to your community.
By choosing to swim against the cultural current toward materialism, your family will discover what Jesus meant when He said it’s more blessed to give than to receive. You won’t be getting material goods—you’ll receive the far more valuable gifts of purpose, joy, community, and a deeper understanding of God.
As Hebrews 13:16 reminds us: “But do not forget to do good and to share, for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.”
Your daughters are at the perfect age to help create these new family traditions. Let them help choose service projects and gratitude practices. Their teenage perspective and energy could bring fresh ideas that make these traditions even more meaningful.
We wish you and your family a blessed and gratitude-filled holiday season that focuses on the gift of Jesus and the importance of being like Him.
AUTHORS
Willie Oliver, PhD, CFLE, an ordained minister, pastoral counselor, family sociologist, and certified family life educator, is director of the Department of Family Ministries at the world headquarters of the Seventh-day Adventist Church
Elaine Oliver, PhD, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, CFLE, a licensed clinical professional counselor, counseling psychologist, educational psychologist and certified family life educator, is associate director for the Department of Family Ministries at the world headquarters of the Seventh-day Adventist Church.
The original version of this story was published on Adventist Review on December 2025.